My miscarriage: triplets

Miracle

Miracle

The best way in which a person can respond to calamity is to say:
“Al-hamdu Lillaah, innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon (Praise be to Allaah, verily we belong to Allaah and unto Him is our return).”
“Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you

Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life”
—Maureen Hawkins
Confirmed pregnant: 5th June 2008 (was already 8 weeks pregnant)
Miscarriage:17th June 2008
We weren’t sure whether or not I was pregnant because I hadn’t had my period for over a month but then all of a sudden I started to bled lightly but with no usual massive stomach and back cramps.
But I knew something was growing inside me…-because I couldn’t stop farting (I wished someone had warned me that before!), going to the loo for a wee so often, feeling sick, moody, sleepless, vomitting, over-heating, my body changing, feeling my heartbeat pumping a little faster than usual and just that motherly hunch. And I was right. My poor hubby had to go through so much.
We had waited months before when my period was a little late only to be disappointed so I guess that could be partly the reason why my husband wasn’t that excited about this month’s. I had also been taking meds to help with losing weight/speed up my eggs/getting pregnant and with the last checkup before the pregnancy news the lady docter told us that I had 8 eggs waiting to get some action, the norm is 1 or 2, and that my ovaries were ok. When we went to the docters again, reported the symptoms, after doing a ultra-sound and pregnancy test -it was positive, I definitely was pregnant (8 weeks)…but it was short-lived.
Just imagine after being married and trying for a year, then suddenly you fall pregnant and only got to taste the excitement, exhiliration, anxiousness that you are about to become a mother for only 2 weeks and then its gone, taken from you.
Miscarriages might happen in 30% of all pregnancies but no one can measure the true loss and sadness a mother feels after losing her baby (regardless of whatever time period she’s at).
So for 2 weeks I was reading up what to prepare…in what stage of creation my baby was at…what to do and not do…even thinking of setting up a college fund…talking to the baby…reading some Quraan, listening to Mozart (for intellectual-sakes). On the other hand my husband was taking his stride and just kept re-assuring me that we’ll worry about these sort of things when the baby’s out. (Why do mean always simplify things and miss the details!)
Some pregnant women often feel uncomfortable about their bodies whilst they’re conceiving but I just felt like I was the hottest mum on earth with my baby.
Just becoming a mother made me feel so alive -that its about time I got really really serious and not petty about life because its someone else on the line now, not just yours, that this was one big responsibility/trust that I had to take care of and which God will make me answerable for.
But on the 16th of June I started having excruciating stomach cramps again, this time 100 times worse than my periods, and worse, -I was bleeding. I was hunching, just trying to ease the pain whilst my husband and I were watching the “Kingdom of Heaven”. But the pain wouldn’t go away. When I saw the blood when I was about to pray Isha’ I knew I had lost it. The pregnant feeling had gone too. That night I needed my husband to take me to the hospital despite it being 3am in the morning but him and my mother-in-law advised me that its probably better to see our own docter these newbie docters and nurses might not know what they’re doing, especially that time of the night.
When we visited the docters the next day, she shared the bad news. There was no heartbeat on the ultrasound -it wasn’t even there anymore. I was shattered, so was my husband. She cleaned me up and we went home, took some anti-biotics and just rested as well as cried my heart and eyes out. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law cried with me and just advised me to be patient, that Allah will bless us again with another insha’allah.
I couldn’t take being inside the house because it reminded me of all my hopes and aspirations I had wanted for this baby but my mother-in-law and hubby said its better that I took some rest because I needed to look after myself.
The next day, as I was cleaning myself -I found these 2 lumpy meaty discharge, only to find out later by my docter that I was not carrying 1 but 3 babies inside me, these were the other 2. I was so dumbfounded.
I had always wanted multiple pregnancies but didn’t think I was actually having one myself since twins or even triplets existed in my family line. I later found out it was on my husband’s side.
For the first time in my life I felt so helpless -that my body wasn’t strong/healthy enough to carry my babies but I knew Allah was testing me to see how thankful I am -particularly in calamities, and all I could think of is asking Him to forgive me for anything I have done.
I was only able to grasp and accept this experience and not be upset when another person said “everything’s going to be ok” until when I came across these hadiths from the prophet Muhammad s.a.w:

The best that we can tell you is that which was narrated from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“When the child of a person dies, Allaah says to His angels: ‘You have taken the soul of the child of My slave?’

They say: ‘Yes.’

He says: ‘You have taken the apple of his eye?’

They say: ‘Yes.’

He says: ‘What did My slave say?’

They say: ‘He praised You and said innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon.’

And Allaah says: ‘Build for My slave a house in Paradise, and call it the house of praise.’”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1021; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The death of one of one’s children is a screen against the Fire, and the same applies to miscarriage, and Allaah knows best.

Al-Majmoo’, 5/287; see also Haashiyat Ibn ‘Aabideen, 2/228

———

It was narrated from Mu’aadh ibn Jabal that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, the miscarried foetus will drag his mother by his umbilical cord to Paradise, if she (was patient and) sought reward (for her loss).” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1609; classed as da’eef by al-Nawawi in al-Khulaasah (2/1066) and al-Boosayri, but classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

 

———–
In Islam, Paradise lies under the feet of a mother. That if she dies during childbirth, that she is considered a martyr because she is performing an honorable act.
Every muslim yearns for Paradise, some in more violent means, but I prefer the more peaceful, fruitful means.
When I read this hadith I started to look at this experience as a blessing because I think at this point I started to feel how beautiful and short this life really is and that we can’t take anything for granted. At the same time you’re just left with awe and amazement of your own creation. We truly are one great masterpiece, copyrighted by God. Subhanallah!!! -And its so beautiful having one or a few grow inside you.
I might not have been my right time to become a full-time mum but its definitely shown how selfless and sacrificing and caring and loving and protective and bold I can be, even if who I love is shown in front of me, at the same time re-iterated how important it is to look after myself. If I can’t look after myself, how can I take care of others?
It got me thinking…do children complete your life or do they enhance it?
From this prompted me to start finding out in what ways I can truly complete my life.
“If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.”
—Erma Bombeck
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~ by nursheikha on August 1, 2008.

15 Responses to “My miscarriage: triplets”

  1. I am so sad for you. I went thru this once, and it was heartbreaking. I can only imagine what it is like for you. Thank God that you have your family and your faith to get you thru.

  2. Sister, this is so sad, I was almost crying. May God protect you and your family.

  3. What can I say? I am so sorry to hear and read this. I hope you and your husband are ok. Allah knows best and this life is just a short journey with a series of tests which we must overcome. How we overcome them will determine our fate and destiny in the next life of eternity.

  4. I was 32 weeks pregnant last week and we lost our baby girl. No other reason but only that there was no heartbeat. After I gave birth the doctors checked everyhing and could not find a reason as to why this happened. We named her Amanah. Amanah was a healthy baby in every way but just ‘no hearth beat’. Since there is no answer as to why this happened to us, the only thing we can go by is faith in Allah and to thank him for saving us from something even worse. I miss Amanah the most at nights because I gave her birth at night and was able to hold her in my arms for 4 hours during the night. I know what you are going through but keep faith in Allah, only he knows why he makes us mum’s go through this pain ! I will keep you in my dua’s for Allah to give you beutiful children and may he give them long healthy lives, ameen.

  5. Thanks everyone for the beautiful comforting words and support, sincerest apologies for not writing any sooner (I’ve just gotten the hang of this…).

    Hang in there too Reshma, I’ll keep you and everyone in my doas as well.

  6. thankyou for sharing this with us..i had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and like you have no desire to return to where it all began..i too have been seeking refuge in these wonderful hadiths and in the knowledge that Allah was and contonues to protect me from something far worse. I am content with Allah’s will, i am jst afraid of the future and the uncertainty i might face everday if i am ever pregnant again inshAllah..but i take solace in the fact that Allah will not take me where His grace will not Protect me. inshAllah may Allah swt give us all sabr and purify us and may we meet our unborn children on the other side.

    my love and duas

  7. Sister,I have just experienced this traumatic event 1 week ago – 24.10.09. I was surfing the internet to try and find a hadith to reassure me. I was 22.2 weeks when I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Sahil who lived for 15 minutes and passed away in my arms whilst I stroked his cheek.May Allah give Sabr to all us mums who experience this tragedy and give us a reward in the hereafter. Aameen.

  8. I’m so sorry to hear that, Nafisa and Ayesha. Thanks so much for sharing it with me and all my readers. May Allah reward us for our patience inshaállah. Amin.

  9. Salaam dear sisters, I can feel your pain and InshaAllah The Almighty shall reward us for our loss. I was 8 weeks pregant and was in a real hurry to meet this little person… and last week we discovered that it did not develop normally and I was having a miscariage. Allah knows what is best for us and I find comfort in knowing this little baby has gone directly to Paradise. Thank you for posting this, its good to know that we r not alone.

    Love to all of u sisters

  10. salaam sisters,inshALLAH your all well,ive lost 2 babies my first miscarriage was at 14 wks,second at 9wks,the pain i went through was horrible but Allah(s,w,t) gave me sabr MashAllAH i now have 3 beautiful children,i have read the hadiths relating to the miscarried child and this give me alot of comfort that inshaAllAH one day i will meet my 2 babies,I’m really sorry 4 Ur losses AllAH (s.w.t) knows best.

  11. I am undergoing the same pain,lost my 8 weeks old baby just a week ago,No reason just there was no heartbeat,The trauma left me and my husband shattered,but the thought that i would meet my baby INSHALLAH in paradise comforted me.May ALLAH bless my child.

  12. i am also in the same position as you. i have been married for 1 and half year but could not get pregnant. thankfully i god pregnant and found out i was expecting triplets whom were 2 gorgeous girls a boy. i was so happy but at 22 weeks i had to deliver due to the neck of my woumb been short. i cried a lot but having remember that everything belong to god and he have done this to test my faith in him and maybe save me from something worse than this. i believe allah will be all of us that loose babies with another one inchallah

  13. may Allah give us sabar and help in meeting our unborn children in Jannah. i not only got miscarriage at 2-3 weeks bz of no heart beat but my husband divorced me just after 2 days of my miscarriage. he was not with me from the start till the end. i lost my child as well as my husband. i really loved him but he ruined me. Now i m hopeless. My allah is with me i just know this. I shall get my child and my husband in jannah inshallah! Do pray for me thanx.

  14. may Allah give us sabar and help in meeting our unborn children in Jannah. i got pregnant after 8 months of my marriage. i not only got miscarriage at 2-3 weeks bz of no heart beat but my husband divorced me just after 2 days of my miscarriage. he was not with me from the start till the end. My husband kept me with him just for 11 months. i lost my child as well as my husband. i really loved him but he ruined me. Now i m hopeless. My allah is with me i just know this. I shall get my child and my husband in jannah inshallah! Do pray for me thanx.

  15. first of all i would like to say i am truely sorry for your loss may Allah subhana taala keep u well sister and would like to say i know what u are going through or went through after having 3 beautiful boys i became pregnant 6 months ago but after 12 weeks of pregnancy and bleeding in between that period i had lost my baby too and went through heatache but kept telling my self that Allah does everything for a reason and an understanding formed in me to be patient and pray to Allah that when I am ready mentally and physically for Allah to give me a girl. Alhamdullilah its a new year six months have gone and without my husband and i have been trying too hard by the will of Allah subhanataala i found myself pregnant it was confirmed this morning so do not loose hope sister and have patient and please please make dua for me for my baby to be born healthy weather it be boy or girl for i would be thankful either way. assalamu alaikum

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