MARRIAGE:HARD WORK


Sweethearts

Originally uploaded by adwriter

THIS PHOTO: MY IDEAL IDEA OF MARRIAGE

JUST GOT A CALL FROM BANKWEST -I GOT THE JOB!!! YAY!!! ALHAMDULILLAH…SO START NEXT WEEK…AFG JUST LEFT A MESSAGE ON MY VOICEMAIL -WAS PAYING MORE (BUGGER) BUT HAD ALREADY TOLD MARGARET (MANAGER) THAT THEY’LL BE SEEING ME NEXT WEEK (BANKWEST). I GUESS HAVE TO POSTPONE MY MORGAGE BROKING DAYS TILL LATER. WESTNET HAD BEEN TRYING TO TRACK ME DOWN SINCE FRIDAY. THEIR SOCIALISING SECRETARIES OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO CHECK THEIR MESSAGES THAT I’VE BEEN LEAVING SINCE LAST WEEK THAT I WON’T BE ABLE TO ACCEPT THE POSITION DESPITE THE GREAT VIEW AND VICINITY (CENTRAL PARK).

KINDA RELIEVED BECAUSE OUR FUNDS ARE RUNNING LOW…HUBBY’S BEEN INTERROGATING ME AS TO WHERE ITS ALL DISAPPEARED TO (FOOD AND NETCAFES ). HE CAN’T BELIEVE HOW EXPENSIVE THINGS ARE AS COMPARED TO EGYPT…HE WAS WARNED!!! BUT LIKE USUAL, HE NEVER BELIEVES ME UNTIL HE SEES, EXPERIENCES IT HIMSELF…NOW CAN GO SHOPPING!!! :p (FOR NECESSITIES OF COURSE I.E. CAR, DRIVER’S LICENSE, NEW LAPTOP, APARTMENT, FURNISHINGS, HEALTH INSURANCE, PLAN FOR NEW HOLIDAY, NEW BABY OF WHICH DID I MENTION I THINK I’M PREGNANT?!? TESTED POSITIVE LAST WEEK BUT HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO SEE THE DOC…)

SO WHAT HAVE I BEEN RIGHT ABOUT: -THE LIVING CONDITIONS -HOW BETTER BUT EXPENSIVE IT IS, ENGLISH COMMUNICATION ESPECIALLY FOR WORK, THE QUALIFICATIONS -ANY EXPERTISE NEEDS TO BE JOTTED DOWN ON PAPER, THE ISLAM -HOW ITS REALLY ALL ABOUT HOW YOU IMPLEMENT IT IN YOUR OWN LIFE AND NOT DETERMINED BY SOCIETY OR CULTURE…AND HE THOUGHT I WAS EXAGGERATING!!! GRRRRRR!!!

JUST WISHED HE COULD HAVE MORE FAITH, TRUST, CONFIDENCE ME INSTEAD OF ALWAYS DOUBTING ME, MY ABILITIES…

SO WHAT’S IT LIKE BEING MARRIED TO AN EGYPTIAN WHOM YOU MET INITIALLY ON THE NET??? HARDLY ROMANTIC BY ANY WAY…

WELL… I DO GET ULTRA-CONCERNED WHENEVER HE OPENS UP HIS MESSENGERS…THE IDEA OF HIM SHOPPING AROUND FOR HIS NEXT LOVE-INTEREST, WIFE DOES CROSS MY MIND MANY TIMES BECAUSE HE DID MENTIONED ABOUT MARRYING ANOTHER-PREFERABLY EGYPTIAN (THIS WAS WHEN WE FIRST PHYSICALLY MET UP. HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T THINK I WAS THAT SERIOUS, OR MORE LIKE HIM FOOLING AROUND AROUND ME. AS IF NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD IS BETTER -WHICH WAS ALL HEARTBREAKING FOR ME TO SWALLOW). BUT OUR PRE-NUP WAS, IF HE EVER WANTED TO HAVE A 2ND ONE BY ANY WAYS, I’LL NEVER ACCEPT IT (WHO EVER WOULD) AND THEREFORE HE’LL HAVE TO DIVORCE ME…OR I’LL BE DIVORCING HIM (WHICH I NEARLY DID LAST YEAR) BECAUSE I FELT HE WASN’T TOTALLY COMMITTED TO THIS RELATION.

ON A GOOD DAY -I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYONE ELSE TO BE WITH BUT HIM, ON OTHER DAYS, HE CAN A TOTAL ASSHOLE AND SOMETIMES MAKES ME WONDER WHY ON EARTH AM I STILL WITH HIM.

I’M FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND, EVEN ACCEPT HOW HE THINKS YOU DON’T NEED THE ROMANTIC/LOVEY DOVEY STUFF AFTER MARRIAGE WHEN MARRIAGE REALLY IS THE REAL DEAL, HOW EVEN FOR ME TO CONSIDER HIM AS MY BEST MATE IS AN IMPOSSIBLE IDEA (WHICH HE OBVIOUSLY HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED), TO EVEN WANT PHYSICAL CONTACT -IT BE ONLY FOR INTIMATE REASONS, THAT EVEN IF HE’S IN THE WRONG -ONLY IF YOU TALK IN A MONOTONE VOICE WILL HE LISTEN TO YOU, THAT ALL WOMEN MUST PUT UP WITH ANY OF THEIR MAN’S VICES AND MISDEMEANOURS, BASICALLY LET THEM GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING AND YOU JUST SIT DOLLED UP, MUTE AND BEAUTIFUL (JUST LIKE POOR EGYPTIAN WOMEN DO, HIS MUM FOR INSTANCE AND I SHOULD DO THE SAME), THAT IF YOU LOOK GREAT/HAVE A GREAT BODY -YOU MUST BE A GREAT PERSON ‘SOMEHOW’?!? (HE STILL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW ITS THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS)…THAT ITS OK TO LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN…AND JUST BEING ABLE TO CONNECT WITH HIM EMOTIONALLY EVEN SPIRITUALLY -ITS LIKE GETTING THROUGH TO A VERY THICK WALL…ITS VERY FRUSTRATING…

A LOT OF MY FRIENDS TELL ME HE’S NOT WORTH IT BUT…I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH…

I’VE TRIED TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS MARRIAGE MANY TIMES BUT AT THE LAST MOMENT COULDN’T…

IN AN IDEAL WORLD, I WISH I DIDN’T FEEL THIS INSECURE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO I’M SHARING MY LIFE WITH BUT IN THE REAL WORLD I DO…

I THINK ITS BY ALLAH’S WILL AND OUR LOVE THAT WE’RE STILL TOGETHER TODAY BUT WHO KNOWS TOMORROW. THAT NEXT ARGUMENT COULD BE OUR LAST TOGETHER…

MAYBE I’VE INVESTED SO MUCH IN THIS THAT I’M NOT PREPARED YET OR HAVE THE COURAGE TO SURRENDER AND MOVE ON…BECAUSE HE HAS MY HEART…AND THAT IS EVERYTHING TO ME…

MAYBE I’M SACRIFICING TOO MUCH OF MYSELF LIKE MY FRIENDS ALWAYS SAY….

YA ALLAH PLEASE HELP ME, LOOK AFTER ME AND GUIDE ME ALL THAT IS BETTER…AMIN…

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~ by nursheikha on September 22, 2008.

3 Responses to “MARRIAGE:HARD WORK”

  1. Salam NurtSheikha – so youre back in perth? congrats!
    whats going on in your marriage though?
    my egpytian hubby – who i also met on the net – is 100% fantastic and i have never have probs with him net-wise (no girls on msn) or any of that. it sounds like ur hubby is from a shallow part of egypt – that women should look pretty and nothing more. how can he not realise the inside is more important and lasting?
    alhamdulilah my hubby is an “inside” man and very down to earth.
    it sounds like ur hubby is very closed minded like a lot of egyptians are. i wonder why theyre like that? its so sad

  2. Hi Angie, yes I’m back. Just started working at Bankwest in the city so thats why haven’t had time to write much and plus don’t have internet access at home. Thanks for your concern. You’re lucky that you’re husband’s not like the rest of them. Oh well, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

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