IF YOU LOVE ME, WHY ARE YOU ABUSING ME? NO MORE THE MARRIED TO AN EGYPTIAN WIFE


~A strong woman~

Originally uploaded by CharliesAngel2006

CALLED THE POLICE LAST NIGHT TO GET MY HUSBAND REMOVED FROM THE PREMISES AND HAVE A 24 HOUR RESTRAINING ORDER PUT ON HIM BECAUSE HE’D BEEN BACK TO HIS “BOXING” HABITS AGAIN -ALL OVER SOMETHING REALLY PETTY BUT TO HIM WAS A “VIOLATION” OF HIS MANHOOD (LIKE USUAL I.E. MY SELF-DEFENCE/STAND FOR NOT PUTTING UP WITH HIS SHITE NO MORE AS A RESPONSE)…SO HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS…

WAS DIFFICULT SLEEPING ALONE IN BED LAST NIGHT…COZ IT HAD BEEN JUST A FEW HOURS BEFORE THAT PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT THAT WE SHARED KISSES AND HUGS, LAUGHS, DINNER BEFORE HE TURNED AGGRESSIVELY PSYCHO ON ME AGAIN…I’M GOING TO MISS ALL THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT HIM…EVEN MOURN FOR THEM BECAUSE I KNOW I’M NOT GOING TO RECEIVE THAT AGAIN FOR GOOD…BUT I HAVE TO BE STRONG…I DON’T DESERVE TO BE BATTERED AND CONTROLLED OR EVEN ALLOW MYSELF TO BEING SO NO MORE ALL BECAUSE IN THE NAME OF LOVE…

FEEL SO ASHAMED AND ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS GO ON FOR SO LONG…

TRIED TO CLEAR AS MUCH FUNDS AS I CAN TO COVER ME TILL NEXT WEEK COZ STINGEY HIM WOULD NEVER THINK OF THAT, JUST TO GET BACK AT ME…

MY HANDS AND BODY ARE STILL SORE AND BRUISED AS I’M TYPING THIS IN THIS REALLY SMELLY, SMALL, CROWDED INTERNET CAFE, GASPING FOR SOME FRESH AIR…

I FEEL SO NUMB…CAN’T CRY NO MORE OVER THIS BUT I KNOW THIS IS IT -THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE…

HE’S WARNED ME THAT IF I EVEN REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE THAT IT’D BE IT. WHY MUST I BE AFRAID OF HIM…AND I LITERALLY SHOUTED THIS OUT TO HIS FACE. JUST HAD HAD ENOUGH.

I KNOW HE’LL NEVER ADMIT HIS WRONG AND SAY ITS MY FAULT EVEN WHEN HE WAS THE ONE INSTIGATING IT BUT BEATING YOUR PREGNANT WIFE ISN’T ONE WAY TO SETTLE AN ARGUMENT. I’M SURE HIS FAMILY ESPECIALLY HIS MUM WILL POINT THE BLAME AT ME BECAUSE HER SON’S A WONDERFUL SHAITAN, I MEAN ANGEL.

WANTED TO PRESS CHARGES AND TAKE HIM TO COURT BUT AS THE REST OF THE FAMILY WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE AND THE MUSIC WAS ON SO LOUD -COULDN’T WITNESSED ANYTHING.

RIGHT NOW READING AS MUCH AS I CAN AS TO HOW I CAN DEPORT HIM FOR GOOD SO HE NEVER STEPS FOOT ON THIS PLACE. I’M SURE HE’LL PROBABLY TRY TO DO THE SAME WHEN HE’S BACK IN EGYPT FOR ME. THATS HOW HE IS…

IF I DON’T GET ANY DIVORCE SENT TO ME IN THE NEXT MONTH OR SO, I’LL BE THE ONE GETTING THAT SETTLED.

BUT I DO FEEL SO LIBERATED FROM TAKING THAT STEP.

I KNOW IT SURPRISED HIM THAT I’D EVER GO THROUGH WITH IT BECAUSE I’D WARNED TO DO SO ONLY TO TAKE HIM BACK. BUT I CAN’T RISK LOSING MY BABY AGAIN…I’M 8 WEEKS PREGNANT…

IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH TO GET SOME SENSE INTO HIM THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAN BECAUSE EVEN HIS DEEN WAS NOT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE HIM THAT ABUSING ME IS WRONG.

I’M JUST ASKING ALLAH TO PLEASE KEEP ME STRONG ESPECIALLY WHEN IT I’M ALONE IN BRINGING UP THIS BABY INSHA’ALLAH AND PROVIDE US WITH A BETTER LIFE TO WHAT MY HUSBAND COULD PROVIDE ME…

IT WAS ONLY WHEN AYMAN WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE AND BE TAKEN AWAY THAT MY MUM FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WHOLE THING YESTERDAY. EVEN THEN, HER INITIAL RESPONSE WAS, “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE ON HIM”. AND I REPLIED, “ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO DIE FOR THE COPS TO COME AROUND”. DISAPPOINTING…BUT SOMETHING I KNEW MY FAMILY WOULD SAY ABOUT CRISIS’ LIKE THIS.

ITS BEEN HARD TRYING TO MANAGE AND REMAIN COLLECTED AT WORK WHEN THE PAIN AND BRUISING CONSTANTLY REMIND YOU OF IT BUT I CAN’T LET IT GET IT TO ME…

ITS MY TIME TO SHINE DESPITE ALL THE DARKNESS…

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS OF BETTER WAYS I CAN COPE AND GET THROUGH THIS…IT’D MEAN SO MUCH…

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~ by nursheikha on October 15, 2008.

8 Responses to “IF YOU LOVE ME, WHY ARE YOU ABUSING ME? NO MORE THE MARRIED TO AN EGYPTIAN WIFE”

  1. omggggggggggggggg….
    are u serious? if i saw him i would punch him in the face?
    and i cant believe thats how your family reacted. thats disgusting.
    do you have a lot of friends around you during this time?
    i feel so bad for you.. i think if you do press charges on him it will get him deported for sure.

  2. assalamu alaykum sister. I have stopped by your blog a few times. I am shocked by your news. I am really sorry for the suffering you are going through. The best and only advice is to seek Allah in everything that you do. Try to cy, cry, cry to Him in all your prayers, and especially in the night, and ask Him to guide you and make it easy for you. I know you dont know me, but I am sad when another sister is suffering, so please, if you need to talk or anything, send me an email. Take care of your health during this time (emotionally and spiritually speaking) especially during the first trimester of pregnancy.

    May Allah guide you, make your affairs easy, and show you the right way, Ameen.

  3. Life is a journey of tests from the moment we’re born to the moment we die, Allah (SWT) does not stop testing us. You have been most courageous in all your actions so far and an inspiration of how you are determined to “shine” despite the darkness and setbacks. This is a true testament to your character and more admirable/commendable. I had no idea he was like that but maybe for the sake of your baby it’s better the newborn is not subject to such a careless and aggressive human being. As always, I am here if you need me, just e-mail me and hopefully we can talk proper;y for once!

  4. i’m so proud of you!!!!!! im so happy to hear that you’re doing something about this and being so strong, even though i pray this wasnt happening to you. i hope your mother comes around and is there for you. if there’s anyway i can help you sis just let me know!! are you living in his house? or can you stay with your parents?

  5. I have been following your blog for a while and awaiting a new post. I am so sorry to hear what has happened! You are doing the best thing for yourself and your child. I am sure he will come around and say he is sorry and it will never happen again. I was in an abusive marriage for 6 years myself before I got the courage to leave. It happened the day I could not stand up because he had kicked me so hard and promised to kill me. I believe if I had stayed he probably would have. I left with 50 dollars to my name. I know this is hard but you need to be honest with yourself and hopefully you a family member or friend you can confide in who will not judge you. This is not your fault. I can only imagine all the stress while you are at work and on the baby. Be safe and make sure you have enough to take care of yourself. I would love to hear back from you. Take care.

  6. I am writing this as a person who has some personal experience with domestic violence, thank God long past. I am over 40 and while I’ve nearly always had someone I loved, never did manage to get married – for many years now it has always ended up ‘remaining entirely platonic’ – so I know something about being alone too.

    I think that especially since your hubby has been eyeing other women, and your getting married seems not to have made any difference in this matter, then you probably never had a real marriage in the first place. It is morally better for you to divorce.

    And that he’s been abusing you – that warrants more than just divorce. What he did was a crime. It had nothing to do with Islam or any kind of faith in God, and everything to do with self.

    You have of course already talked to him about this, and it didn’t work. Ideally, you could then bring someone sensible with you to talk with him, but it looks like you don’t have any such person, so you’re left with getting the law involved.

    Now is your chance to TRULY have only one God. Your hubby is only a man. He is nothing compared to Allah. Allah permitted you to have this man in your life for a time, and insha’Allah you have learned something from it, and will learn more in the future.

    But we do not ‘have to have’ anything at all in this life. Allah did not even have to give us life. Everything we have in this life is cause for gratitude. At various points in my lifetime, I have found out from experience what it is to live with serious gaps in various areas – money, or health, or companionship – and I can tell you that sometimes it’s those times when we don’t have that we find this out in a special way what we have to be thankful for.

    You have a job, you have a baby on the way, you are living in a country where you can actually count on getting help from the authorities if your husband is abusing you, you have your family nearby.

    Last year I had a situation where suddenly nearly all of the people I socialized with regularly moved abroad in search of work, more or less at the same time, and it was lonely (and my family all live on a different continent).

    So one day, I was all but crying on the shoulder of one of the few who remained, and he said, ‘OK, so you feel like you have no one to come home to? A sort of empty space in your life?’ and I nodded (and sniffled). And he gently said to me, ‘You know it’s not like that, right?’

    He was talking about Allah, of course. And I knew he was right. The fact remains that two days later I met one of the most wonderful creatures I have ever known. Sweet, friendly, loving, forgiving, affectionate – and homeless. I began to bring him food in the evening, we would spend time together after he ate…

    And then one night, the first night when it got really cold in the fall, I had walking pneumonia, but brought him his food anyway, and it became evident he’d caught the pneumonia from me. So I said, ‘Man, you’re not sleeping outside tonight,’ and brought him upstairs. And after two days, it was clear that he considered my place his home now…

    Problem solved. And lest you think I have gotten myself into some kind of haram, it’s not like that at all. Because he’s more than just from a different culture – he’s from a whole different species. He will never actually be able to speak to me in words, because his voice box is not properly constructed. So I have learned to communicate at least a bit in his language: meows, chirps, and various ‘non-verbal’ types of communication. And he has learned to understand speech a bit too (in two different languages, no less).

    In the meantime, I also found him a girlfriend of his own species, they were both fixed when they came to me, but still, I think they like the companionship. They clearly love each other to pieces. And they are both here with me saying hi to you 🙂 We all wish you the best as you start over again with God.

    I admit to having been surprised that God used this means to provide for me rather than some other, but hey, I’m still grateful over a year later… Feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk more in-depth in a more private forum.

  7. PS It occurs to me – thinking about how I too live in a culture where there’s that thread of ‘If he doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t love you’ – that people who think that miss one very important thing: they confuse strong feelings with love. Because surely both passion and abuse are very strong feelings. But neither of them is love…

    Love is a choice to do the right thing: among other things, to wish for others only that which you would wish for yourself. I bet your husband doesn’t wish for you to beat him when you get angry, or when he disobeys you…

  8. Keep leaving posts but they don’t seem to go through, e-mail me when you get a chance, thanks (Nurul)

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