MAINTAINING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP&RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY : DR PHIL


Helen Keller

Originally uploaded by dbking

HELEN KELLER IS AN INSPIRATION TO ME.

SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DEAF, BLIND, BUT SHE STILL LIVED HER LIFE COMPLETELY.

I WAS BORN ALHAMDULILLAH, FINE, HEALTHY -BUT I’VE MADE MYSELF DISABLED, IMPAIRED BY THE CHOICES I’VE MADE, THE PATH I’VE TAKEN.

IF I FEEL LIKE I’M DROWNING WITH THE ISSUES SURROUNDERING ME TODAY, HOW WOULD I HAVE BEEN LIKE IF I WAS IN HER POSITION?

MAKES ME WONDER: HOW HAVE I ALLOWED MYSELF GET INTO THIS MESS.

WHAT CAN I DO TO START TO LIVE MY LIFE COMPLETELY, DESPITE ALL ODDS, JUST LIKE HELEN KELLER DID.

THOUGHT I’D SEE WHAT DR. PHIL WOULD SAY IN TERMS OF HOW TO IMPROVE MY RELATIONSHIPS…
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http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/142

Five and a half years into their marriage, Stacy and Chris, a Dr. Phil Family, ask for help rebuilding their union. Dr. Phil offers this advice.

Have a solid friendship.

“Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate,” Dr. Phil says. He asks Chris and Stacy what they enjoy doing with their friends, whether it be talking about silly things or sharing a good joke together. He then advises them to apply that same openness to their own relationship. “If you want a good friend, be a good friend,” he suggests.

Meet each others’ needs.

“The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of two people,” Dr. Phil explains. He tells Chris that he needs to discover what Stacy’s needs are. “Maybe she needs a soft place to fall that day or she needs a shoulder to cry on,” he says. He tells Stacy that she doesn’t always need to agree with her husband, but she should figure out his needs, whether it’s saying that she’s proud of him, or that he looks nice that day.

Set specific goals.

“Wake up each morning and say, ‘What can I do today to advance the ball?'” Dr. Phil advises. Even small things will accumulate over time and make a difference. Find a quiet moment each day and come up with a specific goal to improve your relationship, whether it’s calling your spouse during the day just to say hi, or telling your mate that you love him or her more often. Make a conscious effort.

Get back to basics.

“The idea is to have some concept of what a marriage and a partnership is supposed to be and start doing those things,” Dr. Phil urges. Write down your definitions of a successful relationship and live up to those definitions. Focus on the fundamental things that are going to make a difference in the long run.

Take responsibility.

You can’t control the way your spouse acts in your relationship, but you can control how you react in negative situations. “You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you’re doing in a relationship,” Dr. Phil says. “Decide what you believe and hold to be true, and conduct yourself 100 percent consistent with that.”

Turn the negatives into a to-do list.

After getting failing grades on Dr. Phil’s Relationship Health Profile Test, Stacy and Chris are instructed to turn their negative answers into positive actions. For example, if you don’t have fun with your partner, you need to make a list of enjoyable activities you can do together. Ask yourself, what would make your answer on the quiz change?

————

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/316

Make a deal with yourself. Before you decide that you can’t be in a relationship again, do a structured “autopsy” on your previous relationships. Maybe you did something early on that contaminated those relationships and sealed their fate without even knowing.

By doing an autopsy, you take the mystery out of the train wreck. An autopsy can help you move forward with a healthy outlook — with ownership of problems that you played a role in creating, and with an awareness of what can be different. Here’s how.

Identify what your problems and frustrations were with your relationship.

Write down the problems your partner had with you. Be honest with yourself.

Write down 10 key statements about the pain you still feel and the open wounds you still have. Again, honesty is essential.

You need to reconcile each of the statements you wrote down. Ask yourself: What was my role in each of these? Own what you are responsible for.

What choices did you make that led to the results you got in your last relationship?

You teach people how to treat you. Did you teach your partner to treat you badly?

What do you have to change to get over your last relationship? How do you need to heal?

What do you want to leave behind from your last relationship? Only when you acknowledge it, can you take the steps to prevent repetition.

You need emotional closure. To get that, you need to figure out what your “minimal effective response” is — the least thing you can do to get the closure. It may be yelling and screaming, writing your thoughts down, or actually talking to your ex. If

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~ by nursheikha on December 26, 2008.

2 Responses to “MAINTAINING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP&RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY : DR PHIL”

  1. […] MAINTAINING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP&RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY : DR PHIL […]

  2. […] MAINTAINING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP&RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY : DR PHIL“Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate,” Dr. Phil says. He asks Chris and Stacy what they enjoy doing with their friends, whether it be talking about silly things or sharing a good joke together. . […]

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