birth certificate -fate

when was on the way to the hospital and had just picked up baasil’s birth certificate…

never thought this would be what the birth certificate of my first child would detail…

and in that would note who his mum and dad are, they’re origins, the place and when they got married (which today is our 2nd wedding anniversary), their current occupation…

subhanallah!

could have been with someone else…but no, it had to be with ayman as baasil’s daddy…in australia…at king edward…on the 30th of april not may…at the age of 29 turning 30 at the end of the year…having survived internal bleeding…even the risk of miscarriage…domestic disputes between mummy and daddy…he still made it…

its all been written…

even though hasn’t been the most ideal fabulous marriage, yet alone relationship…this was what Allah had wanted in terms of bringing baasil into the world…

Allah definitely chooses the right time for everything…even when you think you are not ready or the persons or situation inappropriate…especially when He knows you’re ready to bear the journey or not…

He’ll organise everything to make what He’s predestined possible…

it does hurt when my intentions of marrying ayman is different to ayman’s intentions of marrying me…and him recalling what could have been to hopes of the future…

if ayman knew how deeply my previous loves have impacted me, transformed me to the person i am today, it will kill him because i don’t think he’s ever had such intimate relations with the oppsite sex…

it was all about marrying because that was what was expected (my islam, my culture, by society, my physical need)…to find someone who would truly dedicate their life to him (which he has)…but in doing so would be doing injustice to the other party -still waiting to feel like he has chosen her because he truly wanted her for himself…to feel content, complete with her and she yearns with him…

but baasil brings new presents, surprises every day…

last night…listened/enjoyed my singing whilst dad was holding him…he’d just had his feed and since we’d got him out of the cot and had his feed, he’d needed 15-20 minutes to rest/be cuddled before putting him back inside…even though it was just “walking on sunshine”, just good to see him track the sound of where it was coming from as well as smiling whilst its been sung because he’s got such a serious face most of the time…

today -made his hand as a pillow as he slept blissfully through the day…

a friend had messaged me that they hope i teach baasil to truly respect women as they should be…

would be difficult when trying to establish this with his dad…

o Allah help me teach baasil the best and to be the best, especially human being-wise…

to have wonderful relationships with everyone…something his mother is still learning and grasping and does occasionally shy from due to the fear of being hurt…

my emotional life have been like being in an incubator…

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~ by nursheikha on April 9, 2009.

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