(4/365) Unemployed Monthly




(4/365) Unemployed Monthly

Originally uploaded by J♥G

got a call from hubby this morning to let me know that there’s no welding work for him at sandvic for the next 2 months…that he’s hardly done any welding for the last 2 weeks…thats how slow the mining industry’s been due to the economic meltdown so what dow we do?!?!

if ayman’s not able to get a temporary placement elsewhere looks like i have to go back to bankwest after hardly a month of unpaid maternity leave and ayman be the stay@home dad for baasil…

the thing is i feel guilty just leaving baasil with mum when i need to do errands, how on earth can i go to work…even if its for 20 hours a week bow that i’m part time…

the other possibility is for ayman to travel and import used wheel loaders, tractors and furnaces to egypt from china…

do i trust him…no!

but then again have ever trusted any previous guys that i’ve been with?!?!

if he has to travel then i guess i have to prepare myself for the worse -that he’ll never come home…

would be freedom for him and i’m sure he’ll come up with some excuse of needing to be away despite his good intentions to provide for his family…

not sure if he can guarantee his loyalty or faithfulness…i guess thats part of my insecurity…the fear of those i love leaving me…it was too heartbreaking before…not sure if i can truly recover, to learn how to let go…

maybe part of the reason why i never can let go is to remind me how to feel intensely as a person because sometimes i do feel disconnected even from my own self…and also because i’m still mourning of the loss of myself because they took such a large portion of me with them…

wish i didnt feel this vulnerable and fragile…

but trying to overcome this issue i went online and bought a few books, one of them being steve harvey’s äct like a woman, think like a man” -http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061796555/Act_Like_a_Lady_Think_Like_a_Man/index.aspx. oprah was interviewing this dude just a few days ago and thought have to do something about my relations with men because it is a big problem for me…

if i’m not uber-sensitive, possessive, too idealistic, clingy, exact, i’m just a poor lost lamb waiting to be slaughtered, taken advantaged of…

have to learn how to not allow anyone walk all over me…have to teach myself of self-love because sometimes i think i choose the wrong guys to love…that i’m responsible for how i am today…

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~ by nursheikha on May 6, 2009.

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