Confession: CALLED MUM A HYPOCRITE




Confession

Originally uploaded by benivey2

i do feel bad that i had to say to someone who is my mother, but then again some of the things she does can be very unmotherly that you just can’t help it…

she’s taunts me about my weight yet i had no probs during my pregnancy…even when i eat, she tells me to starve and i’m lactating and hardly get any sleep? so does she want me to not look after baasil like she not took any concern for me? yet she was the one who was told to lose weight by our family docter because she was fat. and when i do argue with ayman, she tells me to stop arguing all because its noisy, not because of what we’re arguing about, yet hardly has the balls to confront ayman as to why he’s mistreating me therefore only making ayman think what he’s doing to me is ok…

she tells me if i was the one who choose him, then i should be compromising -and i asked her, even when it scars either me or baz? there’s some things i must stand my ground. every time me and ayman have an argument she’s always blaming me for choosing him. and i said, well at least i’m not blaming anyone like her and my dad. even after 30 years and 4 grandkids they still blame each other as to why they married each other all because they can’t talk things out. how childish. i asked her, hasn’t she heard of qadr? predestination? whats the point of calling yourself muslim if you don’t believe this tenet of islam?

and i told now when ayman’s home she blames me for stirring the argument yet she doesn’t know what ayman gets up to to get me fired up, yet when ayman he leaves, she says ayman’s the one in the wrong…how conflicting…thats when i blurted it out…

that she was two-faced and a hypocrite…

its the same when she’s complaining about dad…yet when it comes to it, she never says it to his face, whereas i do…

maybe i’m not subtle or discreet but i can’t stand people not being honest…even if its my mother…and i’ve been keeping this in for such a long time…

she told me i should get slapped for what i said, but i said even if its the truth? truth hurts doesn’t it…

thats the thing with me…

i guess i contain the anger for quite a long time and when i blow up, my words can pierce you…

not ayman, not even my mum or dad can take it…yet alone the anyone else…

if i feel i have been unjustly dealt with -you will get it eventually…

it all started when ayman and i were watching supernanny and seeing how she was disciplining a mum of 6 who totally shut down to any motherly responsibility and let her kids run wild yet take her frustration out on the eldest, who did everything she said but always bore the brunt because of being the eldest…-hate that excuse coz i really felt for the poor kid because i had a similar childhood…ayman thought the kid deserved it because she was the eldest…sometimes i wonder where his heart is, even worry about what he’s going to teach baasil…thats where the disagreement started…

he said because i rush to baasil when he cries, he thinks i’m pampering him. but i told him he’s only a 2 month old baby. would he know any other way to say he’s hungry? i told baasil for now, i”ll attend to his needs, but i definitely won’t nurture any bad manners or behaviour like his family does with their little ones…and it doesn’t matter be it my own or even any other kid…i really hate disrespectful, not-behaving kids…

anyways, it was an ad for hell’s kitchen were ayman saw one of those delusional chefs chuck a big lump of meat to another fellow chef and he turned around and said, now why didn’t i call this chef crazy too, coz i had called him crazy the night i called the cops over because he wanted to throw a heater at my face…he still didn’t wanted to admit he was in the wrong…

whilst he was trying to make me feel bad for calling the police, he was hitting my back so hard (he says as a joke-yeah right) that i nearly choked whilst still eating…

mum didn’t see this and even after i told her she thought i was over-reating…but i’m like if i don’t stand my ground with someone as saddistic as ayman, he’ll just do it again and god knows what else…

so because he did this, and after telling him to stop still continued (he too thought it was all a joke, but does he know being a man, how hard he ever hits even if its soft?) my blood boiled and i went off at him, telling him he was so rude and i asked him how we were all quiet, enjoying our lunch to all of a sudden deserve to be slapped on the back so hard whilst eating like this and if i ever did such a thing to him…no manners! what the fuck does he think i am, and i’m suppose to take it because he’s my husband…what bullocks…

so he got pissed off because of my fiery blunt reaction with his typical resolution to any conflict that he needed to leave…i was like whatever…

so what was i suppose to do? sit there and take it? why have i got such a fucked up family…

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~ by nursheikha on June 9, 2009.

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