Originally uploaded by friend_faraway –

thought i’d read something equivalent to a juz a day for ramadan (30 juz = the whole quraan), and keeping mind the days i might have off due to my period, am trying to squeeze in as much as i can before it does arrive (so far i’m on juz 2…can finish it in 30 minutes and thats if i had a drink nearby) just to do my part for this ramadan as well as include other nafl salats that i haven’t done for yonks, due to laziness i guess as well as just feeling low,  depressed about everything…and thats salatul hajat, tahajjud, witir, zikr…

for some it may be the one time to do everything good, to remember Allah, to turn things around whilst the rest of the year be overwhelmed by their bad habits/straying…for me, this ramadan means i can slowy pick up the shattered pieces of my life and start once again to a new tomorrow…to start cleansing, replenishing, rejuvenating myself and rebuild my relationship with Allah because i know I’ve been running away from Him…because i was too scared to really sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk with Him about everything thats happened so far because sleeping on it was easier, feeling depressed was easier to do and blame the world than bettering myself…its also due to the guilt for not trusting Allah enough or anyone for that matter, even myself…of being afraid to pray/make doa for fear that it won’t be accepted because everything else had turned sour/bitter again…i really had lost hope…and became almost robotic/on auto-pilot just to get me get by and do the day-to-day things…

its 2:08pm and so far my throats dry and thirsty because i forgot to drink another litre of water before i started fasting because was too busy trying to put baz to sleep…i normally drink a litre of water before the fast, of which in perth started at 5:15am…done the washing, given baz milk twice now. washed his bum coz he did one hell of a stinky dump that made me nearly vomit so was trying to hold it because vomiting means you break your fast…am still watching sbs because it featured a lot of artsy programs but skipped on the music videos that i normally love watching to help me kick start my saturdays which is always sluggish…dunno how i can do without watching no tv for a month during the day as part of fasting my senses but will have to be a gradual process…my head is spinning a little, even dreamt about eating before i woke up again but i know i’ll only be another 3 hours before i break my fast so i think í’ve done ok for my 1st day of ramadan (everyone else -their 2nd day 😛 ) so i’m trying to calm my thoughts as thats where a lot of the work, turbulence, chaos is done and it does feel quite relaxing…maybe because thats where most of my energies is wasted of which consequently takes its toll on my body and my decisions and my relationships…

the house is quieter because normally we’d have the cable tv blasting with a malay program in the living room, and my brother dj-ing a lot of old school tunes he’s recycled from my days and those of my parents from his bedroom on the other side of the house….wish people could be original! and i’d be annoyed with baz not sleeping and mum and dad will normally be arguing about something like why she cooks desserts all day and forgets that all of us needs to eat real normal nutritious food and my other 2 sisters would be chi chatting and laughing and watching telly in the study room…to then be suddenly quiet!…

with ayman out of the house it means no clashes, unless its with mum, so i’m glad i have the opportunity to make this ramadan a really good one…because last year when we came here from egypt it was terrible…there were days where we’d talk shite to each other that we might as well of not have fasted…so alhamdulillah for that…its just sad that that we could not go through it as a family now that baz is here

oh well, can only better what i have…

mum was complaining about the somali’s when they did their tarawih prayers at the masjid last night…is the same problem every year -WHY DO FOLKS BRING THEIR KIDS ESPECIALLY SCREAMING BABIES AND HORRIBLY BEHAVED TODDLERS TO THESE PRAYERS!!! just leave them at home! because people need to pray and not be worried about some kid trying to bulldoze them when their trying to do the ruku or be smacked by one whilst they do marathons to and fro between the prayer lines of people praying or they’ll be a few babies singing bohemian rhapsody in sync with each other in various spots in the women section so annoyingly distracting the even the imam forgets which ayah he was at! the mum’s can still pray in other parts of the masjid because the speakers are everywhere but no! they have to pray with the rest of us…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

i think i’m derailing from my mission here…

anyways, am browsing for something to cook up when i break my fast…have to say -ramadan’s probably the only time when we ‘feast’ apart from eid (which defeats the whole point of trying to cut down on eating, on indulgence for the entire month) because you see an endless supply of scrumptious delicacies resurrected be it from mum or from her friends who drop by and share the food they cooked that was non-existed the last 11 months of the year…and it tastes soooooooooooooooo good! and you still manage to lose weight as well! amazing!

mum and my sisters normally start to make malay eid cookies and tidbits a week before eid…i normally tell them to buy instead…can’t be bothered cooking and inhaling all the freshly baked mouth-watering aromas coming from those cookies…its like breaking your fast just to get a quick high on those biscuits just to lessen that hunger…and in the last 10 days you’re suppose to be doing more ibadah anyways, to try and see if you could find lailatul-qadr…so i’m glad all 3 will be in malaysia for the remainder of ramadan, come to think of it -better get more orders in…and the malay cookies, delicacies that i’m referring to is like biskut cheesy nenas tart, biskut makmur, biskut dahlia, biskut sarang semut, durian and jackfruit dodol, kek lapis, biskut suji, ketupat, satay, rendang…the list goes on…yes, my parents still cling onto their malay traditions regardless of where they are…my parents even love listening to melaka fm for goodness sake!

~ by nursheikha on August 22, 2009.

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