i think my younger siblings see me as the rebellious, non-comforming, black sheep, malay/asian-in-denial biggest sister who’s always butting heads with the elders

all they’ve heard all these years from mum’s brainwashing is of how useless, sinful, undutiful of a daughter because i happen to challenge their parenting skills, ideals and traditions they had adopted from my grandparents…and of course they took my mum’s side because they obviously had a great relationship with her…they went there for all the events, milestones, decisions i had to witness and experience which could explain why i am what i am today…

-until they went through it themselves…

i’m bringing this up because my sister afizah, one below me, the 2nd eldest, has decided to move back home after leaving with ibu for some time, mainly to escape dad’s daughter-auctioning ways (to marriage)…and now she’s sick of ibu…

when my youngest shila told me this as we watched the last part of the documentary science & islam on sbs, i told her i wasn’t surprised, as ibu is quite a control freak. what this 69 yr old singaporean widow needs is a servant, not another adopted daughter and i saw it happen again what she did to me when one of her deceased cousin’s daughters decided to come to perth and holiday here for 2 months including eid. poor siti wanted to go back home the 1st week because she couldn’t stand ibu’s home military regime. don’t know how i survived 2 years of it.

after i left i didn’t talk to ibu for a year which killed her because she couldn’t understand how it came to this. now i just maintain a healthy distance, which mum also had to learn the hard way because mum was always so concerned, even afraid of what ibu might say about our home, her parenting previously like her life depended on ibu or something…

and for the first time in 10 years i told anyone in this family just an ounced of what went on when i lived with ibu -how when ibu got angry she would throw me her vases, missing me of course, of which i had to clean up later, all because she thought i was making fun of her, defying her authority, disobeying her.

there were some positives whilst living with her but the negatives where soon outnumbering them which made me leave…

and now if ibu happens to return from singapore and asks about afizah, afizah has advised the her and mum that she’s moved to melbourne for a year…

i had also told shila for the first time, that in 1994 -which was the last time my parents had a bloody altercation, shila was only 3 years old, that i had to accompany mum inside the ambulance, where the injuries she suffered from the attack nearly resulted her in losing an eye and at the hospital, it was up to me, up to a 14 year old to decide whether i had all my brothers and sisters together or we be separated all in foster homes because it was that bad. bet you mum didn’t tell her that.

is it wrong to stand up against a parent forcing you to be the scapegoat/servant for everyone else in the house, banned from doing most things yet her other siblings were able to get away from it?

or is it that i seem to be able to create prison-like situations from myself that i’m always in need of fleeing…from my parents to ibu and now ayman…

~ by nursheikha on December 3, 2009.

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