embracing grief -men’s way

was wondering why ayman was in such a shitty mood today…was complaining about everything -the food, that i was smothering him -not giving him space, not wanting to babysit baz as i tried to finish off the cooking and laundry…was even told to leave him alone so rudely just because i asked what he wanted for breakfast tomorrow…-until i told him to snap out of his manly pms, stop making everyone pay his misery and tell me what really happened…

i thought maybe he had a fight with someone at work, or had another accident because he wasn’t paying attention on the road…but no…this time he told me that his best mate who was previously in milan, italy working on an overstayed tourist visa, same age, from kafr el sheikh, who’d been to korea with him as well, had been stabbed after a fight with someone at the restaurant, and unfortunately didn’t make it…

when he told me, i just cried for ayman because i know he was hurting inside but didn’t know how to express it…losing someone who was there for him for the most part of his life…i left him alone…had to put the laundry on the line -even if it was 11pm at night -its so relaxing and so quiet! that’s my me time…the apartment’s secure so never need to worry about safety…and came back, took his phone and downloaded for him a copy and english translation of the Quraan on his phone so he can read in his own time, since he hates being forced to do something…and i told him firstly, that its ok to cry, healthy to let everything out…that i’ll give him his space but am always here for him no matter what…and that the best thing for ayman to do is read yaasin for his mate as he’ll be needing it…i just couldn’t bare to see him so hurt especially when he initially wanted to bare it on his own, didn’t even want to tell me about it…

~ by nursheikha on February 19, 2010.

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