PRESUMED HAPPY GO LUCKY

is it me or do i seem to know how to put on a brave face, particulaly when i am dying inside? -could that be the reason why people sense when i am in the deep end?

for example…

2 weeks ago when i was at centrelink, i needed help with the descriptions used in the online family tax benefit application (to kick start my single parenting process) because i didn’t know what the refuge would be classified by and decide whether or not i should give out the address since its a safe house…so i went to the old fella nearby and it was past 5pm and at first he whinged about me being one of those types who wait until the last 5 minutes to get their unemployment assessments completed -he really didn’t wanted to help me because he said centrelink doesn’t pay him after 5pm…when he brought up my details he realised i was in for single parenting and instantly understood my situation and apologised…and was quite taken how happy go lucky/confident in myself when normally its so usual/easily for people to be depressed, not be able to laugh as i could, even think about attempting suicide when things are not going well…and i thought -wow!!! thats the second stranger/person other than sheree (the girl i use to share the refuge with) said about me…

-is it because i use laughter to soothe/sedate my pain, unconsciously rehabilate me to reassure myself that there are other better alternatives/ways to see things? perhaps…

i guess its better than crying every night…

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~ by nursheikha on April 1, 2010.

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