agni restaurant

My plate from the buffet

Originally uploaded by The Food Pornographer

i feel like a fat bloated garfield who’d just sampled some of Perth’s really good still-piping-hot indian curries in a very long time -that happen to also be delivered at my door, after issues i had with mela and my missing chicken dosa…-why on earth would someone venture out and deliver only mere samosas and gulab jamuns and they not even think maybe the customer ordered dinner as well ya stupid menulog driver…or were they assuming i was on some crazy fried sweet diet or something?!?! -weird!

all this scoffing as i try to think of just how i’m going to be able to afford/pay my first iphone bill -which at the moment is racking in $1300 in one month…i think it was the stupid tethering i tried to do whilst trying to download all those apps from itunes…

just found out will not have my 6 month review until later in the year (meaning pay rise) which is good because then i could work on my currently struggling performace…boss and feedback on my listened calls came back and reported that i’m taking on too much, that i just have to step back a bit, relax and refine my delivery at the same time meet to the usual kpg’s to be on track to be promoted/upgraded to the next level which will mean another few thousand dollars extra to what i normally get…just nice since i’ve not received any child support from ayman…

just bringing up work coz to keep busy and mind off ayman…

in my counselling session i did mention to my counsellor how frustrating it is to speak up and say i have a problem to people when they always either don’t know how to react to it or assume that its not really that bad when it really is…because when i did mention to one of the girls in my team that i had an appointment with the psychologist- she said you don’t need it! just because i try to keep it together on the outside doesn’t mean its the same on the inside…my laughing doesn’t mean i’m always chirpy…its because its therapy for me from the pain i feel inside…

anyways the pyschologist mentioned about some of the courses relationship australia was running -particularly one for those recently separated/divorce…will be looking forward to it because have been shopping around for groups that handle similar experiences that i’ve been through…

but every day its still of separating myself from my still love for ayman and what comes with…trying to find my own self-worth rather than allowing someone else determining my worth…

i have been keep a gratitude journal which helps me jot down positive things about the day and it is prompting me to think more broader than my melancholic self…

but i have to admit…deep down if you asked me who exactly did i wish to be loved enormously apart from my son…it would still be ayman…

and its talking myself out of waiting for the return of his love is what is annoyingly so difficult…because i’ve lost so much of myself…i still don’t know how expensive i am when he’s out of the picture, when there’s no stark challenge in front of you to prove your worth


~ by nursheikha on June 17, 2010.

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