the waiting game

grateful for… that smile

Originally uploaded by Right Moon

what ran through my head the moment i arrived and lay on the emergency ward bed…

*how regretful i was for making baz cry for not eating his dinner and not wanting to sleep the night before
*wished i had taken a quick snapshot of baz sleeping as i was waiting for the taxi to take me to the hospital for memory’s sake-didn’t know if i was to see him again or how long they would keep me in for
*the need to seriously lose weight, be more active, eat better -even run a marathon just so that i’m there for baz for most of his growing up
*regretting not being able to look after myself better to put myself in this situation
*trying to keep myself calm, collected even when i had no idea what that concrete-slap-on-my-chest-unable-to-breathe experience would be related to
*who i was going to pay the rent on monday since funds were running low
*how glad i was that this happened whilst at my parents and not when it was just me and baz or else who would’ve checked up on us or who would help baz when i am semi-conscious or even dead, even then the latter part still freaks me out
*how regretful i was to not have prayed isha’ the night before because i fell asleep when putting baz to sleep
*wondered how long i’d be here or have to call in sick for work
*what i’ll be in for
*ayman -for the many times i’ve hurt him too

~ by nursheikha on July 9, 2010.

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