expected to be a good wife but he’s still shamelessly looking

after finding out i had pulmunary embolism at the hospital 3 weeks back,i thought since ayman was so supportive that day,that that would be a sign for the better,that maybe i should have someone looking out for me,turns out he’s been looking out. anyone to replace me.how comforting!he even blamed me for having the current condition.so if he god-forbid has cancer,i should abandon,desert him too even if he brought it upon himself?

as he was asking why a paypal echeque might take a week to clear-found out that this was for purchasing credits on skype and would u believe i found a few more feminine id’s on the list! from perth too.so i guess he didnt wanted to get caught out on his mobile.he did this last week when i was at mum’s looking after baz coz he’s too lazy to pick baz up from work every other day so im at mum’s twice a week,and this after i had just came back from hospital because my legs cramp werent going away on both legs for the whole day so i had to get wired up again and have an ultra sound.wasnt even in any hurry to see how i was doing at the hospital.was only complaining how much he hated this life,how difficult it was yet i was the one nearing to have mine ended,grateful that day i was still alive but could not find anyone to share it with or find any comfort.

its 4:17am right now.been up since 1am coz i woke up needing to vomit.at mum’s again.wondering what else he might be up to.

i confronted him and he said bcoz i accused him of betraying me by needing to look for other women whilst expect me to be the good,loyal,dutiful wife that this was something shameful as this was his right-can marry 4 in islam,so i responded so all muslim men should be man-whores in islam,to do whatever they like,esp. be worse to their wives by not even doing whats compulsory/fardh,betraying them?no one marries to want to be betrayed or be forced to share with anyone else.so where’s the loyalty,trust,commitment?ayman cant even look after me all bcoz im working and he needs to marry another 3?

so i told him-make the decision.u either keep me as ur wife and focus on bettering this relation kr u divorce me BEFORE u look for anyone else.this seems quite fair right?

and then he tries to shift the blame for divorce all on me bcoz i gave him this ultimatum, yet he cant seem to decide whether he needs to be 30% of my husband or 300%.

because he was reading riyad ussaluheen last night i pointed out the hadiths that showed how important,noble it is to rake of one’s family.he tried to counter-act with a hadith that was trying to explain how simple the prophet muhammad s.a.w was,the commentary blaming women for their extravagance and also added hell will be full of women.i replied since there will be more women than men in this life,who else will be filling out hell in the akhirah if there’s more of one kind?its not bcoz we’re all evil! in terms of simpleness,i told him to get with the times.asked him is the reason why he needs to stick with the scarceness of the prophet s.aw’s diet is a reason for ayman to be stingy/bakhil with his family?he’s not even buying me any food,counts every cent he spends the very few times that he does spend on me yet he can pig out from the things ive bought.ayman can complain about how little he’s had to save,how he’s working hard yet not feeling any benefit,how annoying it is to look after his family,how difficult life is and he was using umar r.a’s example of having only one pair of clothes and i replied its bcoz they were so selfless not greedy,stingy and selfish like u that they had what they had.they had to look after their ummah,their nation,fight enemies and dissidents,ensure justice,peace and security for everyone and ur surrendering and yet u are only looking ur wife and son and only welding as ur day job?in terms of simpleness-all im needing us to be loved in return,loyalty,to have my rights honoured,wanting for him to be a better person and this is too extravagant to ask?

if he doesnt want to divorce me yet thinks its ok to cheat on me and thinks its his right to also stay coz of his son then what the hell do i do?

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~ by nursheikha on August 5, 2010.

2 Responses to “expected to be a good wife but he’s still shamelessly looking”

  1. Perhaps you can think more about what you want to do rather than what he wants to do.

  2. Honey why do u allow him to treat you so? Don’t be passive in this. It’s not all about his wants. It takes two to make a relationship work subhanallah and if he isn’t playing his part then in all honesty it won’t work. Don’t allow yourself to constantly be abused.

    You don’t want your son growing up thinking this is an acceptable way of treating a woman. You deserve so much better. NO WOMAN deserves emotional, physical, verbal abuse. It’s not worth it.

    If I was in your situation and my family knew about it Allahu Akbar! The earth would be top small for him!

    May Allah give you better for you and pour upon you patience.

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