http://www.optimoil-technologies.com/ecajp.html
=
Nurmala Abdul Malek
hi.
•June 15, 2013 • Leave a Comment.::Nurmala Abdul Malek::.
•March 28, 2013 • Leave a CommentREJECTION, ACCEPTANCE
•May 24, 2011 • Leave a Comment
rejected
Originally uploaded by smemon87
HOW CAN YOU EVER GET USE TO BEING REJECTED? ACCEPT ALWAYS BEING REJECTED?
I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE HAS BEEN FILLED WITH MORE REJECTION THAN ACCEPTANCE…
WHAT’S MAKING ME FEELING THIS LATELY?…
WELL, JUST FINDING DIFFICULT FOR BAASIL TO LIKE AND PREFER THE COMPANY OF OTHERS, LIKE MY MUM, AND DEMONSTRATES THAT BY HITTING ME AND FIERCELY PUSHING ME AWAY WHEN ONLY MINUTES BEFORE WE WERE COOL, LAUGHING, JOKING…IS MY LIFE ALWAYS LIKE THIS WITH PEOPLE? THAT I CAN ONLY HAVE AN OUNCE OF HAPPINESS, RELIEF AND THEN IM YESTERDAY NEWS?
PUTS ME BACK TO MY CORNER OF LONELINESS, SADNESS…LONGING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL CHOSE TO STAY…BUT IN LIFE, NOBODY DOES…SO WHAT WILL?
IM SO SICK OF IT…
REJECTED BY MOTHER COZ I WAS NOT PERFECT, COZ I WAS NOT HER, COZ I HAD NOTHING TO SHOW OR FELT I NEED TO SHOW TO PROVE TO THE WORLD IM SOMEONE…
REJECTED BY FATHER (ABSENT) COZ HE LOVED HIS PLANTS MORE (TRUST ME, THATS THE MAIN THING MY PARENTS EVER FIGHT ABOUT, EVEN NEARLY MADE US KIDS INTO FOSTER CARE) AND SAW HIS FREE SERVICE TO EVERYONE ELSE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS FAMILY…
UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK BY THOSE WHOM BY FACE THOUGHT WE WERE REALLY CHUMS…I GUESS NOT…
REJECTED COZ IM NOT YOUNG, RICH, ELITE, EGYPTIAN, BLONDE, RUSSIAN, DESI, EUROPEAN, WITH NON-BROWN EYES AND A HOT BODY NOT A BALLOON, ATTRACTIVE, FREE FROM BLEMISHES, WHO’S NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL OR BELIEVE OR STAND UP FOR THINGS…AND HAD BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES -ALONE…
REJECTED COZ I WANTED LOVE, HAD DONE EVERYTHING DESERVING OF THEIR LOVE, MAYBE QUITE DESPERATELY SO BUT STILL WASN’T WORTH IT…OR BE USED, PUSHING THE LIMITS WHEN LOOKING BACK THAT IF THEY HAD MET ME NOW, I WOULDN’VE BEEN THE ONE REJECTING THEM…BUT IT SUCKS ALWAYS BEING THE LAST ONE STANDING…WITH ALL THIS PAIN, REGRET, HEARTBREAK…
REJECTED BY MYSELF…MY BODY THAT I’VE LET GO AND AM TRYING TO ACCEPT EVEN WHEN ITS NOT HEALTHY AND CAN SURRENDER ON ME AT ANY TIME…MY CONFIDENCE THATS EMPTY, ALWAYS NEEDING REASSURANCES FROM OTHERS TO TELL ME IM OK, TO URGE ME TO STILL FIGHT IN GETTING THE BEST, TO BE UP FOR A CHALLENGE WHICH I FEEL I DENIED MYSELF WHEN MY MOST RESENTFUL BANKWEST MANAGER CHALLENGED ME…BUT STILL, I FAILED AND COULD NOT SHOW TO MYSELF, TO EVERYONE I AM BETTER..COZ MAYBE IM NOT…
AND ITS THIS MINDSET THAT CRIPPLES ME…THAT MAKES ME TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM THE FEAR AND TRY TO BUY TIME…DREAMING OF FARAWAY LANDS LIKE A REFUGEE TO ONESELF BECAUSE I AM A COWARD IN THIS OWN BODY…
WHERE IS THE LOVE???
BUT AMONGST THE ENDLESS REJECTION THERE IS ONE THING I LOOK FORWARD TO WAKING UP, LIVING EACH DAY -THATS ALLAH’S ACCEPTANCE…COZ HE KNOWS BEST…
I DONT REGRET RESIGNING FROM BANKWEST, BUT IM NOT SURE IF IM READING TO BE IN ANOTHER WORK ENVIRONMENT, BE ABLE TO DELIVER DESPITE EVERYTHING, BE ABLE TO BLOCK OR MANAGE EVERYTHING, TO STILL STAY HEALTHY, TO CRUISE AMONGST WORK POLITICS, TO GO UP THE RANKS AND EARN MORE DOUGH SO I AM NOT A BURDEN TO ANYONE, THAT I CAN ENJOY WHATEVER I WANT AND STILL BE ABLE TO GIVE THE BEST TO BAASIL…
INSHA’ALLAH…ONE DAY…INSHA’ALLAH
ANYWAYS ITS 1:33AM TUESDAY AND IM WATCHING THIS ON TV…
BUT WHAT IM REALLY FEELING IS THIS…
what if they killed his double?
•May 9, 2011 • Leave a Comment
OSAMA bin Laden
Originally uploaded by Aussiecriminals
how could a man who’s been playing hide and seek for 10 years and dodgeing the biggest, most elite, armed powerful armies in the world, challenging theeir best minds, intelligence not have a body double, or several??? after all, the americans have gotten it wrong a few times before in history…
and even if he dies, mehhhh so what! will not celebrate it…especially when he’s made everyone’s life and faith -particularly when wearing a hijab so bloody difficult, but then again maybe it was Allah’s way to define who are the real true believers from the imposters, even when they call themselves hardcore muslims like osama…
but chucking a dead body into the sea doesn’t mean its islamic all because its wrapped up in a piece of white clothe…he needs to be buried!!! but i can understand why the americans did this…but killing the godfather of al qaeda doesn’t get rid of the the franchise…
i still dont get the mentality of groups of people needing to hurt people and freaking using islam as an excuse
(just watched a story of the after effects of pst-osama on dateline)…how does killing someone make you the best dynamic compassionate human in the world? -when that’s the ultimate challenge
http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story/about/id/601106/n/Life-after-Bin-Laden
…yes, you have a right to defend and liberate oneself but they missed the first part of any conflict -talks! negotiations…
and then you get the anti-muslim groups! scary…
when i saw osama’s body being chucked in the sea it made me think just how my end, my last breathe would be coz i know i would not like it to be as humiliating and degrading like this, though i know who really hated this guy would have loved the chance to have his body chopped up and fed to the pigs…
Sharing the Magic
•May 9, 2011 • Leave a Comment
Sharing the Magic
Originally uploaded by neferkimi
there’s a particular website that i had ‘liked’ on my facebook that never fails to really boost my spirits…
and just when i’ve disillusioned to ever knowing such “like-minded” individuals, when i read this blogger’s post, i feel like he’s a distant virtual kindred spirit and i wish there were more like him, both in real life and online…
apart from glee that does instantly make me happy when nobody’s hogging the foxtel, this was the post that really cheered me up and was the first time i checked out this website…
lost in time, lost for words
•April 12, 2011 • Leave a Comment
DSC_2660E_Saturday morning coffee and news at Second Cup
Originally uploaded by Maurice P.
***updates***
resigned from bankwest in january-had enough of the pressure, lack of genuine managerial support, lack of sleep, being away from baz, being robotic
just came back from a 3 week holiday in malaysia…total disaster
initially was a trip to get away from everything, a breather…should have included mum as well
positives of the trip
-able to reconnect to the rest of my family after 11 years
-didnt need to remind myself of Allah when everywhere i looked reminded me so
-endless yummy halal food and an aunty ready to pamper you
-had a taste of a kampong/bandar wedding (cousin nurul got married)
-to know that my aunties were in a similar domestic situation as i was and understood what i was going through
-to put the record straight about how wrong mum’s been about me all these years and for not defending me when someone was wronging me
negatives of trips
-couldn’t go anywhere for most of the 3 weeks or do much. stayed in the jungle, at kampong. have never felt so isolated. regretted not being able to stay in kl
-was sick, had the runs for most of the time
-annoyed that i relied on mum thinking she would have travel ideas since would go back every few months only insisting we stay in the jungle and clean my grandparents house that all my other relies frequently drop by and use
-stupid travel agent stuffed my booking which took 5 times to fix, even gave me the most priciest fare valid for the shortest time. wanker
-mum made me fly malaysian airlines coz didn’t want to go budget. for this eid she’s flying air asia (budget) with little sis and going to places like langkawi -where i was planning to take her but she prefered the middle of the jungle
-had argument with mum yesterday all bcoz i bought doughnut balls and cappuccinno from muzz buzz and mum was forcing me to make doughnuts from scratch. i told her no and that there are more cheaper, tidier, convenient options and then she started to go on about how i will never change, that no wonder ayman wanted to leave me, that i deserved to be hit…i know, what the! that bcoz im not looking after myself the way she thinks its right, because self-indulging/pampering is a crime and sin, that she won’t be visiting me in hospital if i am admitted. so much for going to hajj!
-vodafone suspending my account and it hadn’t been a week all coz the calls mum made and coz i didn’t get their roaming package
-being broke coz had to pay for excess baggage. mum got greedy coz it was malaysian airlines and it was mostly her stuff that made us 80kg altogether
-basically felt that all that annual leave+pay that i had save up was for nothing
so cried myself in the rain, lucky this was in the evening. hadn’t rained for months. asked Allah what did i do to deserve this -to be constantly reminded of how much my mum has emotionally disowned me, now literally…
for a moment thought how wrong it was for her to be my mother…
then it came to me that maybe i should do what she could never do…instead of cursing me and thinking worse of me all my life, that i should ask Allah for her forgiveness and goodness in this life and hereafter in return for Allah’s love
stupid parrot
•January 12, 2011 • Leave a Commentthats what one of my colleagues would describe what we sound like to our customers every day…sigh!
even more depressing to see people who were ur mates on facebook unfriend u or disappear…but it doesnt beat queensland go under water on the other side of the country whilst we roast here…was 37C today! the only time i dont mind staying at work for longer coz home is like an oven…
i have a dilemma…i cant stand my manager…she’s already putting me on a coaching plan to up my scores…so i do have more things to work on but the more i stay under her reins,despite her finally coming round to support me professionally she still doesnt so much emotionally…
it felt good typing up my anonymous feedback coz i think i was upfront-her aggressive approach,still need to work on neing approachable…but i just feel like i need to change teams or i’ll be resigning coz i just feel i cant deliver to what they expect of me…
my hijab = my *diamond* crown 